The pain of distance

We’re halfway between Belo Horizonte and Miami, 3am. I’m still struggling to get some sleep on the American Airlines seat. To help me out there is a small kid having the same trouble, two rows ahead of me. However he have not decided between crying practice or performance crying. Long night.

Longer than the night seems to be the new distance between us and family, friends and loved ones. The boys have already felt that and the farewell was very emotional.

When we left Belo Horizonte for the first time, we went to São Paulo. We’re just the two of us our boxes haven’t filled have of a small truck. The distance were shorter, just one hour flight. The farewell was almost non existent. I remember my friend Rodrigo helped me removing the lamps which we used in the newly rented apartment in São Paulo. We left at a sunny morning in our Fiat, featuring air conditioning, toward the big city.

We stopped at Tietê station as soon as we entered São Paulo to buy a local guide and Carina ticket back to Belo Horizonte, for the next day. She had come so I hadn’t had to drive by myself. I’d have to wait two more months until she was able to move with me. We arrived at the hotel and I still remember the feeling of looking through the window and think “we’re are moving ahead”. It took us less than 1 hour to welcome Alda Márcia as the first visitor, who has become a regular one for the next 5 years.

Since then a lot has changed. We are now at the second hard city move. When we moved back to Belo Horizonte, we left a part of our hearts with the friends who have welcomed us, took care of us, walked by our side at the hard and good times we had there. We’ve created strong bonds, eternal ones. Now we are leaving again and removing the BandAid, as my friend Lika says, is harder. Maybe being the process slower, some overthinking, had made the farewell harder. There were many farewell parties: from school friends, work friends, family, church, friends, home and even pork belly. While we weren’t at the airport, though, anxiety and adrenalin were masquerading the pain. soon the time has come and it was painful to look at the crying boys, the many suggestions to abort the plan and the too many questions. Maybe having 20 hugs before checking in has made it all harder, emotional.

Of course had not been anyone there would’ve been worse. Felling loved comforts us. Maybe the pain comes from the paradox we could read from each one look. If for one they were happy by the sized opportunity, on the other hand the price everyone was paying was high. Maybe the pain came from realizing how special each one there was, how important they are in our lives and how much we’ll miss them. While we don’t have new laughters to add up to our memories, the farewell stamp will shine in our memories. Goodbyes taste bad.

I remember I was saying good by to contractors on our (at the time) new house in Belo Horizonte when Lucas e Ana arrived to visit us. We come up with some borrowed mattresses for the weekend together in our new house. Thanks God they have already bought ticked to visit us in US. Let visitors come!

And the boy in the row ahead decided he is going to cry for good. Wise decision.

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